Hello everyone! All you ASBers (still working on the nickname, don’t crucify me) have hopefully read my blogs and hopefully laughed at what I had to say.
But folks, this is not a time for laughing. The sun is a little dimmer, the weather is a little colder, food doesn’t taste as good, water doesn’t quench my thirst like it used to, my jokes aren’t as funny, the world is a little bit more depressing. I am a broken and lost man. Aaron Rodgers’ collarbone snapped and so did my life, at least until next NFL season or, until I go out on a date again.
I like to keep it real. It’s what I do. I am what could be called a “good fan" as I’ll support my team but also call them bums whenever they start playing like a bunch of bums. Well, right now the Green Bay Packer defense STINKS OUT LOUD! They are so injury depleted that they’re about to call me to go out and play free safety and calling my grandmother to go and try to rush the passer, and SHE’S DEAD! Now, not only do they stink and are made of glass, but they lost their best player and with it, any real chance of making the playoffs.
But a live look at the NFL shows that up is down, left is right, blue is actually red, Trey is making correct predictions, and NOTHING MAKES SENSE! The NFL is so dumb. Here’s a list of all the stupidity that was the NFL just in Week 6:
— Everybody bet the house, literally 90%+ of all the money in the William Hill Sportsbooks bet the Denver Broncos would cover the -12 point spread and they lost to the 0-5, wide receiver-less Giants 23-10.
— The Kansas City Chiefs lost a game where Alex Smith looked more like Matt Leinart instead of Tom Brady.
— Pittsburgh remembered that they have a really good running back named Le’Veon Bell and they realized that the best way for them to win is to not have Ben Roethlisberger throw the ball.
— The New England Patriots barely won a game against “The Goddamn Jets” (shoutout Big Daddy).
— The ancient trio of Carson Palmer, Adrian Peterson, and Larry Fitzgerald demolished the Buccaneers for a half and then almost let Ryan friggin' Fitzpatrick come back and beat them.
— The Dallas Cowboys were on bye this week and still managed to take their most damaging loss of the season when they lost their star running back to suspension by that clown Roger Goodell. That’s what Ezekiel Elliott gets for going to AN Ohio State University and for always wearing a crop top looking like some college freshman sorority pledge.
— The Philadelphia Eagles are tied with the Chiefs for the best record in the NFL at a lofty 5-1
So to recap, either your team who was supposed to be good at the beginning of the year stinks right now, your team that was supposed to stink is surprisingly good, or you’re just watching the NFL because everybody else does it and you’re confused as to who you’re supposed to be rooting for. Plus, why did they stopped showing the national anthem on TV?! (Stay woke everybody, I bet my life that the NFL asked the networks to stop showing the national anthem on TV so as to try and keep the whole kneeling thing at bay.)
For the record, this absolutely does not mean I won't watch the NFL. You can still catch me on Thursday through Sunday night planted in front of my TV making a Josele shaped dent in my couch watching as many snaps as I possibly can.
See you then!
Follow me on Twitter @diazjosele10