Welcome back to yet another edition of the Irrational NFL Recap! Hope everyone’s fantasy football team isn’t in complete shambles like mine is. The El Paso Pants Poopers have officially pooped their pants. Moving on…
This week was incredibly boring and lacking a lot of action as we had a ton of teams on bye. I still of course hooked up the Redzone channel straight to my veins as I needed more football in my life, I’m a degenerate, don’t judge me. Update on the Josele-shaped dent in my couch…coming in nicely.
— Dolphins (0) - Ravens (40) / Colts (23) - Bengals (24): These both fall under the category of games that made me puke in my mouth.
— Vikings (33) - Browns (16): Every week it seems like the Vikings manage to play a completely incompetent team and as a Packer fan, that really upsets me.
— Falcons (25) - Jets (20): The defending NFC Champion Falcons managed to beat the Jets by 5, is that a good thing? Answer: nope.
— Panthers (17) - Bucs (3): Carolina continues to be as frustrating a team as I was when I was an altar server and I struggled to light the altar candles with stick matches and I could never get the flame to stay lit because I was unknowingly blowing out the match before it burned my little sausage fingers and simultaneously blowing out the altar candle and I was stuck there lighting the altar candles and continuing the never ending cycle of blowing out the candle and re-lighting it. Did any of that make any sense? Neither do the Carolina Panthers.
— Eagles (W), Saints (W), Patriots (W), Bills (W): The Eagles, Saints, Patriots, and Bills continue to put on a tour de force of beating teams. Seems these teams can’t stop won’t stop winning and they only seem to be getting better. That was too rational, I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop with the Bills but their fans won’t know any different as they’ll continue to butt chug beers and body slam onto foldable tables.
— Cowboys (W), Steelers (W), Chiefs (W): All of these teams seems to be headed into the playoffs and they’ll all be in good shape. The only things that can be each team’s kryptonite is if they manage to keep all of their stud players on the field for the entire season and not have injuries or suspensions impact their on field performance, manage to not have any sort of locker room dissension which benches one of the star WRs, or be coached by the Kool-Aid man which would cause them to be ridiculed by sports bloggers or other teams……… oh wait.
— Texans (38) - Seahawks (41): This turned out to be the most exciting game of the entire weekend. I gotta be honest here, I’m falling in bro-love with DeShaun Watson. All the dude does is throw touchdowns and perform at the highest of levels. That being said, I need you to put on the villain cap every once in awhile and kill an opponent while you can. Any time left for that concussion water drinking dweeb Russell Wilson and his band of try-hards is going to end in a bad time because for some reason, the Seahawks are impossible to kill at home. It’s like Pete Carroll made a deal with the devil and in exchange for eternal youth and home wins for “the 12s” (don’t even get me started on those losers), ole Pete “Conspiracy” Carroll has to chew gum for the rest of eternity.
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