Welcome back to yet another edition of the Irrational NFL recap! Hope all of you had a wonderful NFL weekend sitting in front of the couch mainlining football directly into your eyeballs until they bleed. Not that any of you care, but I was celebrating my birthday and all I could ask for was a Packer win and lo and behold, it came true.
Let’s get to my thoughts on this weeks action:
— Seahawks (22) - Cardinals (16): …………..I hate the Seahawks
— Packers (23) - Bears (16): Well with the birthday Packer W, all is right in the world for at the very least another week. I am praying to every god, deity, priest, literally anybody holy that Aaron Rodgers is healthy enough to play when he’s eligible to come off the IR just in time to save the Packer season and lead them directly to the promised land of a Super Bowl Championship
— Saints (W), Rams (W), Falcons (W), 49ers (W), Patriots (W): These games are all being lumped together as the definitive butt whoppings of the week. The Saints and Drew Brees are looking like a really good football team and I am genuinely saddened for Bills fans as they have once again been bamboozled into thinking their football team was good. The Rams beat the daylights out of a quarterback-less Houston Texans while the Falcons beat the daylights out of a Ezekiel Elliott-less Cowboys. Ok phew, that’s enough about the Cowboys. My fingers can only take so many words about them before I am forced to cut my hair into a stupid fade and “Throw up the X” every other 2 minutes as I attempt to make myself seem relevant even though the Cowboys haven’t done anything remotely relevant in some time. The 49ers, even though the score was close at the end, beat the Giants so bad that people momentarily forgot the Eli forgot two Super Bowls (barely) and that McAdoo forgot his hair was on his own head. The New England Patriots continue to be the gold standard of the NFL as they continually get chastised by the NFL for doing nothing but winning. Also, I smile from ear to ear whenever the Broncos show their true colors and suck on national TV.
— Lions (38) - Browns (24): The Browns continuing to be this inept at football and being able to make Matt Stafford and his complete lack of receivers look like they’re All-Pro in Madden. Stay woke everyone, the Cleveland Browns are so bad that I think they’re shaving points. That’s the only rational explanation for them sucking so bad.
— Jaguars (20) - Chargers (17) / Steelers (20) - Colts (17): Well the #Sacksonville Jaguars keep on Jaggin off and rattle off some more wins. I love it and I also love watching Philip Rivers suck. The Steelers and JuJu Smith-Schuster (that’s a mouthful (that’s what she said)) should’ve kicked the Colts in the teeth and instead got kicked back (punny) and then had to come back against the friggin Colts…pathetic.
— Jets (10) - Bucs (15) / Titans (24) - Bengals (20): I mean I’m trying to find some words, any words to try and review these games…but I just can’t.
— Redskins (30) - Vikings (38): Don’t look now, but slowly and very quietly, the Minnesota Vikings have climbed all the way to a 7-2 record. What a wonderful story of a team overcoming adversi… oh my god I can’t bring myself to say nice things about the Vikings. Everyone and their mother knows that the only reason they’re 7-2 is because they’ve played cupcakes and they hurt Aaron Rodgers on purpose. I hate the Minnesota Vikings. They won because they faced off against the Gruden who isn’t good at his job and Kirk Cousins can only do so much before he has to run for his life because the offensive line is comprised of the delivery guy down the street. Gah I miss Aaron Rodgers.
— Panthers (45) - Dolphins (21): Well well well, look who decided to show up. Looks like Cam Newton decided to stop wearing such weird clothes instead of Scam Newton wearing super weird clothes. Truthfully I didn’t watch this game because I didn’t feel like watching two uniforms “battle” it out. But in the end, the Carolina Panthers still don’t make sense because they have the NFL logo instead of their team logo in the middle of their field. I still don’t understand what that’s all about. All I know is that they’re losers for doing that and only losers do that (Giants, Jets).
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