Welcome back to yet another weekly edition of the Irrational NFL Recap! Yup, the one and only Irrational NFL Recap that never misses a week and definitely didn’t miss any NFL action. Let’s get right into the mix.
Saints 17-Falcons 20: It really is too bad that the NFL shoves these Thursday games down our throat. Bunch of greedy money grubbing big wigs that force us to watch watered down, sub par football. But hey, at least they wear different uniforms.
Colts 7-Bills 13: This game was so much fun to watch. Snow games are the coolest and there is nothing you can say that will make me change my mind. God bless those fans that stayed through the entire game.
Cowboys 30-Giants 10: I mean honestly, besides the majority of the population around Texas and New Mexico, especially around the Carlsbad and El Paso area, who cares about this game.
Lions 24-Bucs 21: How long until Jameis gets to eat a W?? I need to see another pre game pump up speech from him only to have them lose a game to a bad team. Love it.
Raiders 15-Chiefs 26: Well well well, look who decided to finally remember that they were a good football team. The Kool-Aid man and his band of misfits took care of the eyeliner wearing Derek Carr.
49ers 26-Texans 16: 49ers QB Jimmy Garappolo is so cool. He is without a doubt the best looking quarterback in the NFL and that alone is going to get the 49ers around 5 wins. His skills will probably get them another 4 to 5 so start putting the 49ers in your playoffs while Garappolo looks healthy. Lock it up.
Packers 27-Browns 21: For those of you reading this that have known me for the past 7 years or so, you’ve heard me say this before… “Team of Destiny” That’s all I have to say about that.
Bears 33-Bengals 7: Yawn
Vikings 24-Panthers 31: I legitimately forgot that the Panthers existed, kinda like the Irrational NFL Recap for the past 3 weeks. oh wait. This is not good for the “Team of Destiny”
Redskins 13-Chargers 30: I hate Philip Rivers and the Chargers are so incredibly overrated. Boo.
Jets 0-Broncos 23: Watching the Broncos throttle the Jets was so unsurprising, that it was surprising to me. That didn’t make sense, but neither does the NFL. But hey, maybe this is the game that launches Trevor Siemian into his trajectory into being better than Tom Brady. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
Titans 7-Cardinals 12: Umm is it time to start talking about if Marcus Mariota is a bust? I’m as big a fan as any of a good story about a good dude, but the guy just isn’t very good at winning football games. I think it’s because they wear those horrendous powder blue jerseys.
Eagles 43-Rams 35: Poor, poor Eagles fans. This stinks. I loved Carson Wentz. He was fun to watch and he was going to lead the El Paso Poopy Pants to the Fantasy Football Championship. Seeing him go down with an ACL injury on a play that ended up not mattering was a bummer. I’m #bummed. But now that this has happened, I’m just stating that this is a good thing for the “Team of Destiny”.
Seahawks 24-Jaguars 30: Here is where I get to let loose on two of the polar opposites of the NFL. I think I can safely state that most football fans love the Jacksonville Jaguars. Whether it’s because they’ve been so bad for so long, or that they can never figure out their uniform fiasco, or the fact it looks like they ran out of money when they were painting their helmets. Well when these NFL darlings throttled the terrible Cheattle Cheathawks, it opened up eyes around the nation that the Cheathawks coached by Cheat Carroll are without a doubt the sorest losers in the NFL. I mean at this point, who can honestly stand by that lying, dirty, crackhead looking maniac Michael Bennett and his tiny shoulder pads. Combine that with Russell “Dweeb” Wilson and the monocle-wearing deviant head coach, you get the perfect storm of people laughing at Richard Sherman when he had his heart ripped out by the Patriots in Super Bowl XLIX. The Legion of Boom was always the most likeable part of the Seahawks and strangely enough, that always seemed to be the part that the general public had the most issue with. Remember that interview where Richard Sherman called Michael Crabtree a “Sorry-ass receiver”? Yeah I had no issue with Sherman knowing that he was the best cornerback in the game at that time period. Kam Chancellor is an athletic freak who was a monster at his position and he knew it. Earl Thomas was the most important part of that Legion of Boom (shoutout Andy Lyon). Now that the Legion of Boom has turned into the Legion of Whom, they are substantially less likeable and I will be the one leading the charge against the worst best franchise in NFL history, the Cheattle Cheathawks. Plus, their fans call themselves “The 12s”. LAME.
Ravens 38-Steelers 39: Thank you Pittsburgh for exposing the Ravens and their elite (?) quarterback Joe Flacco. This just raises their hopes into beating the Patriots next week.
Patriots 20-Dolphins 27: But I need everyone to put their brains on for a second. Raise your hand if you honestly think that the Patriots are going to have a repeat performance against the Steelers. Didn’t think so. Smokin’ Jay Cutler had his best game in quite some time and every team is bound to lose a game to a division rival that they traditionally have a hard time with. In the past 15 years, since Brady took over as full-time starter, the Patriots have swept their division exactly twice. Trust me, the world is not falling apart when they lost to the Dolphins on Monday night.
Tune in next week for another installment of Irrational NFL Recap. The only recap of the NFL games online that never misses a week and always provides laughs without any real insight. Follow me on twitter @diazjosele10.