For many years, I’ve been preaching, mainly to whoever will listen to me, my (correct) thoughts and opinions on many stupid things in the world. I’ve whittled down my incredibly complex, emotions toward things I hate to be pigeonholed into three things: 1) I hate canned tuna, 2) I hate hypocrisy, and 3) I hate overrated things/people. So naturally, people ask me what does overrated mean? Simply put, overrated is something/somebody who gets the labeled as “the best” or “unbeatable” or “could never be better”.
My brain starts getting into overdrive and starts making this (correct) list in my head. Just a disclaimer, because something/somebody is on this list, does not mean that the thing/person is not good, it just means that the object is overrated. So the thing/person could be very good, but it is not the best. This list doesn’t have any discernible order, this is just a brain dump. All opinions are my own, but just so you know, I’m correct. So without further ado I present to you: The Definitive List of Overrated Things/People.
Listen, we all know about this movie by now, and if you don’t that means you’re an uncultured swine and you’ve been living under a rock. That being said, this movie is not only overrated, it just flat out stinks. Everyone has seen the meme that proves that Rose could have let Leonardo DiCaprio onto the door, but that’s not even the worst part. People seem to forget that Rose was a lying scumbag who cheated on her fiancé/boyfriend whatever the hell he was with some poor named Jack. Yeah the rich boyfriend was kind of a douchebag, but all of a sudden that makes it ok for her to go in the back of some 1918 Ford Model T and get hot and steamy with this Kangol-wearing thief Jack? Psh what a bunch of MALARKEY. I hate the fact that this movie is the second highest-grossing movie of all time. This movie sucks.
Directed by the same idiot who directed Titanic, James Cameron outdid himself with this stupid rendition of Pocahontas. This is the highest grossing movie of all time. Think about that… the 1 and 2 highest grossing movies of all time both really stink as movies. What does that tell you about the taste of movies in America? Avatar is basically a blue-cowed version of Pocahontas or a worse Dances With Wolves. The only redeeming quality that this movie has is that they created their own world with their own language and the graphics are cool…but last I checked, simply the fact that one aspect of the movie is cool, that warrants being vaulted all the way into the number one movie of all time?? Not a snowballs chance in hell. Boooooo.
— Derek Jeter
This is where I’m going to get the most flak, I think. But Derek Jeter, the vaunted shortstop of the New York Yankees, often heralded as the best shortstop of all time; is in fact, not the best shortstop of all time. He’s not even the best Yankee of all time. Fact of the matter is, he’s really just a glorified slap hitter like a softball player. He can go ahead and thank the real run producers of the late 90s Yankees and Mariano Rivera for all his World Series rings. He played for a bajillion seasons, so there’s that, but that’s easy to do when everyone else does all the work for you. Plus, he was out of position on that play against the Oakland A’s in the 2003 postseason. You take Derek Jeter out of the New York media market and place him on the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, he just becomes a very good shortstop, not one of the top 10 baseball players of all time.
— In N Out
Listen, I'll be the first to want to go eat at this burger joint whenever I'm in California. In fact, I love In N Out. But I cannot and will not sit idly by while I let Californians proclaim In N Out as the nectar of the gods and the cure for cancer all in one animal style burger. If I had to take one of these items off my list, In N Out would be the first to be removed. So I guess the item to put on here would be people of California, but that’s a bit too broad… eh who am I kidding? Both people from California and In N Out are overrated.
What kind of world do we live in where I have to give half my mortgage to buy a burrito that turns into a meat salad after 2 bites? And one other thing…$2.95 for guac?!?! Are you kidding??
— Peyton Manning
Alright buckle in, this is more of a personal one for me. I feel attacked every single time I see his stupid Franken-Face on TV with Nationwide or Papa John’s. For somebody to be as highly touted and crowned as the best thing to happen to football since somebody decided to put the pads on, Peyton Manning is overrated. He’s always thrown around in conversation as the best quarterback of all time, which is simply untrue; always said to be a role model for human beings and athletes alike, again also untrue; and is always being thrown in our face as ambassador of the NFL. That last part is true because he has no other choice than to be the ambassador of the NFL since we see him on our TV screens in the fall approximately every 11 minutes.
— Dunkin Donuts
Where do we start with this one? When I was in grad school (yeah, this is me flexing with the big brain) I had a classmate put forth his argument for Dunkin Donuts over Krispy Kreme. His argument was that a Dunkin Donuts was so good when you got it right off the assembly line and that it was “so delicious cause it would melt in your hand and it’ll subsequently melt in your mouth.” Am I taking crazy pills or does anybody else see the fallacy in this logic? Like Dunkin Donuts is only edible if you eat one like .2 seconds after one is made. What the hell is up with that? Obviously if I had the choice between Krispy Kreme and Dunkin Donuts, I’m choosing Krispy Kreme. But if I had to choose between a poop-flavored lollipop and Dunkin Donuts…guess what buddy, I’m trying to find how many licks it takes to get to the center.
— Bow Ties
Here’s the thing about bow ties… they stink and they look stupid. I would venture so far as to say that the only place where bow ties are acceptable is at a really formal event that requires a tuxedo. And even then, I welcome any and all arguments that think a black bow tie looks better than a regular black tie. And don’t even get me started on the ridiculous goons who wear navy pants, neon orange and light blue socks with little designs of a pug on them, brown dress shoes, a white button-up shirt, and a pink and green polka dot bow tie. Paint that mental picture and try and disagree with me that that doesn’t look absurd. Is that too particular? Don't care...
— John Mayer
I’ve never considered myself a music connoisseur by any stretch of the imagination. With that being said, I can confidently say that we all need to take a step back and stop proclaiming John Mayer as the second coming of Jesus who just so happens to play the guitar. What makes me qualified to say this? Well I have two perfectly functioning ears, that’s what. The guy is really good at guitar, what more do you want me to type? That he’s a wonderful lyricist or that he has a sweet voice? I refuse. “Waiting…waiting on the world to change” just simply isn’t groundbreaking stuff in the lyrics department. And as far as his voice goes, he sounds scratchy and forced. I’ll go so far as to say his rendition of Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty (RIP) is an abomination to music.
Editors Note: Supreme Leader Trey hates me for this part of the blog, but to each his own...
— Community Service Hours (forced)
Let me preface this by saying there is nothing wrong with helping your community. In fact, the world needs more good people willing to do more for the less fortunate around them and helping them get back on their feet. However, when a person (student with NHS or current high school students in El Paso for example) is forced to go out and give up their Saturday or Sunday to go fill sandbags or pick up boxes from a truck, that person HATES their life. That’s just a fact, Jack.
Anybody who knows me personally, knows that I have a strong passion for hating soccer. I can break it down as such: 1) it’s just organized jogging. 2) they run around for 92-93 minutes and they end in a tie. 3) the flopping that occurs in the game is not only NOT looked down upon, it’s encouraged. What part of that as a sport sounds fun? The running part? Or the part where you put in all that work only to be celebrated for not winning? Hard pass for me.
— Gender Reveals
To any of our readers who have had a gender reveal party before, or are planning a gender reveal party… congratulations but I’m not sorry for what I’m about to say. Gender reveal parties are dumb. Literally nobody wants to see you cut a pink or blue cake, or open an oversized box filled with pink or blue balloons. Just call “gender reveal parties” for what they are, an excuse to get more gifts from your friends and family… ain’t no shame in the game. Here’s a little life hack. Instead of making people have to plan for 2 parties and have to take gifts each time, just plan one HUGE baby shower where you invite a ton of people. Maximizing people who come to the party just means that you’ll have more gifts.
— Christmas Music/Tamales
I’m lumping both of these together since I feel the same about both of them. I fundamentally do not understand the people who get overtly excited about Christmas music and start bumping that in their cars since mid-October. Just like I don’t understand the people who can eat tamales everyday during the Christmas season and not be completely over it after the 4th red tamale that you have on the first day. Too much of a good thing is known as Christmas overload and it stinks.
— Carmelo Anthony
As a Thunder fan, this one stings. When the trade went down in the offseason, at first I was excited. I tried to talk myself through it to try and justify the trade. Somehow, this trade was the last piece of the puzzle to take OKC to the promised land. Well I quickly remembered that Carmelo is actually just a hot piece of trash. I was having a discussion in Cracker Barrel with my family and I got served a corn bread muffin. My dad asked me if I was going to eat it, and I quickly responded with “absolutely not”. That’s when it hit me, the perfect analogy. Carmelo Anthony IS corn bread. Everybody says it’s good, but it actually stinks. Maybe at one point in time, it was good because there was literally no other option, but now, in modern times of the intellectuals, there is no real reason for us to have to choose corn bread (Carmelo Anthony) because we’re not poor and we don’t live in the 1700s anymore and we have these fancy modern day kitchens that can serve up anything our heart desires. Nobody wants corn bread (Carmelo Anthony). Get your ish together Cracker Barrel (OKC General Manager Sam Presti).
— Bob Marley
I’ll get it out of the way, reggae music as a whole isn’t very good at all. Bob Marley, proclaimed by many to be the face of reggae music far and wide, was in my correct opinion, objectively terrible. His voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard. And don’t even come at me with the argument that “his music was about much more than sounding good, it was about the message that it sent out.” That sounds strangely similar to somebody having to defend their bratty child as just being “misunderstood”. Everyone needs to stop acting that Bob Marley is the first and only person to have positive lyrics in his songs telling people to stop being mean to each other and just be nice.
I recently was in a text war with someone about this so allow me to copy and paste the messages:
JD: “I didn’t say it the night of Luna Rossa, but hiking is absurdly overrated.
KJ: “Defend your position. Because I could not more strongly disagree. Let’s hear it.”
JD: “Ok *cracks knuckles*”
JD: “What’s the point of a hike? To 1) get some sweet views. 2) Get some fresh air. 3) Get some exercise. 1A) Well you can get views simply by going on the internet. Probably get better, more defined, grandiose views from some internet pictures than any normal person can take with their camera/phone (unless you’re me). 2A) Can’t get air fresh like hiking air while you’re in the city, so I’ll give you that. 3A) There are much more effective forms of exercise that one can do. i.e. the gym. If you insist on walking, you don’t have to go to a national park or a mountain to do it.
JD: You are far less likely to encounter potentially dangerous wildlife anywhere else than on a hike. Hiking is basically just walking on hard mode, and there’s no need for that; or should I say, that the pros do a poor job of outweighing the cons.”
Still waiting on a text back.
Bacon is a fine condiment. It tastes really good and it goes really well on top of a cheeseburger and even tastes good wrapped around some steak or a hot dog. But there comes a point in every man’s life when he has to stand up for what he believes in. I am here to take that stand. I believe that the world has officially gone crazy and has reached a point of craziness with the amount of bacon related products that have saturated the market. Bacon ice cream? Bacon chocolate? Bacon on a stick? Bacon-fest? Bacon earrings? Bacon is good and all, but there comes a time where we have to stand up and say “enough is enough.” We simply cannot have people buying tickets for a bacon-fest and thinking that is totally non-psychotic move. It’s become an epidemic and we need to get the national guard involved.
Honorable Mention: Ol’ Faithful, getting drunk, strip clubs
So there you have it, 18 topics and 2,600 words later. Be sure to tell me how much you disagree with me on Twitter, Instagram, or in person if you’re up for that kind of verbal joust.