It has been a WILD time for free agency in the NBA. So much has happened in so little time. I love it. It’s absolute chaos and people are losing their minds about who is signing where and how that affects their favorite team. Enough chit chat, let’s get into it. We’ll start with the least impactful signings:
DeAndre Jordan to the Mavericks: Here we have probably the least impactful free agent signing in today’s NBA. I mean this is so meaningless. Dallas is actively trying to lose and this move was clearly for the bag. Good for DeAndre Jordan for securing his payment to his pocketbook.
Julius Randle to the Pelicans: Poor Randle. Poor poor Julius Randle (well actually he’s not poor. He’s actually quite the opposite.) He got dumped by the Lakers because they didn’t have any room on the roster to make the money work. So he gets renounced (so dramatic) by Los Angeles and roughly ten seconds later he signs a two year deal with New Orleans. Too bad this doesn’t really matter (more on that in a minute).
Paul George to the Thunder: As a Thunder fan, I want to be excited about this. I want to be happy about this signing as Oklahoma City gets a big time basketball players signed for 4 years. But I can’t be happy because I know that that mouth-breathing, money-sucking leech Carmelo Anthony is still on the roster. Yuck.
Rajon Rondo to the Lakers: This is a tough one to swallow. I’m a huge Rondo fan. He’s awesome and his basketball IQ is through the roof. He’s so much fun to watch and I love his stat lines that are disgustingly strange. Any given night, he’ll have 2 points, 23 assists, and 1 steal. It’s wonderful. This is huge news though because now LeBron has someone else who can facilitate the ball and create offense, maybe not for himself, but he can still create points. That’s huge for the Lakers.
LeBron James to the Lakers: This is the major news surrounding the sports world! This is huge! LeBron is now in the Western Conference and he is finally going to prove himself against the stiffest competition in the NBA. Now obviously there are more shoes to drop in terms of the Lakers adding players and pieces to the team so they can have a realistic chance to beat the Warriors/Rockets. I mean it’s not like the Warriors have added anybody of note. They lost their starting center! Javale McGee is also a Laker! Things are looking up for the Lakers!
DeMarcus Cousins to the Warriors: Oh wait. The defending champion, winners of 3 out of their last 4 seasons; the same Warriors that start 4 All-Star players in Steph Curry, Klay Thompson, Draymond Green, and Kevin Durant, have officially gone and done it. The Warriors added a top 3 center in the league in DeMarcus “Boogie” Cousins. I said it to Supreme Leader Trey and my cousin when it happened, this move is strictly a GIGANTIC MIDDLE FINGER to LeBron James and the Lakers. I literally laughed in my cousins face over the phone because it was genuinely hilarious. He had called me before ranting and raving about how the Lakers are a title contender now when they added the best player in the league. Well when he called me after the Boogie news dropped, I could literally hear the sadness in his voice. It was great. DeMarcus Cousins all but guarantees the Warriors win another title. Love it. I’ll get the popcorn ready.